The Lost Diary

After last week's epic episode, I am psyched for this week. "Lost" is back (back, meaning good again) and I couldn't be happier.

There were some unbelievably great comments last week. Some notes on a few of them:

-- A ton of you said that you thought of me immediately when you heard about Charlie's impending death. OK, so not only do I obsess over the potential death of a fictional television character, but now even total strangers I have never met know it too.

-- Most of you agree Charlie should die, but it seems the second most disliked character is Kate. She has gotten pretty annoying and all she's good for is being held at gunpoint.

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week the usual crew of Ari, Lauren and Matt is back together -- kinda like Van Halen reuniting, only none of us play any instruments. Let's roll:

10:00 -- Kate wants Sawyer to turn the boat around to go back and rescue Jack (predictable) while Karl is babbling incoherently about God and Jacob. When was the last time Kate said something where she wasn't whining?

10:01 -- Jack thinks the Others plan on killing him now, and he's got every reason to think so. But Henry Gale did promise to send him "home," which I think we all know isn't happening. My prediction: the Others start to send him home, only Locke and Sayid and the rest of them "rescue" him and ruin it. Just a thought.

10:02 -- "Hey." -- Juliet. Things don't look so good for her.

10:06 -- And it's Jack flashback time. Prepare for either daddy issues or dumped by his wife issues.

10:07 -- Or hot Asian woman on the beach issues.

10:08 -- Jack's in Sawyer's cage and apparently the Others have a "sheriff."

10:10 -- Kate and Sawyer are having some post-coital problems, and Karl is kinda creeping me out. But he is full of info, so there's that.

10:12 -- Juliet is trying to get Jack to help Ben as a "personal favor" to her. Other than the fact she's hot, why would we do her a favor? Jack, remember, she's evil.

10:18 -- Oh look, Jack brought up his dad. Didn't see that coming.

10:19 -- "I have a gift." -- Achara. I'm sure that won't come up later.

10:20 -- Isabelle wants to ask Jack a few questions. First impression: she's kind of creepy, but only kind of.

10:21 -- Apparently, Isabelle is "investigating" whether or not Juliet tried to get Jack to kill Henry. I half expected to hear the "Law & Order" sound. What are the odds Jack lies to save Juliet? I am going 80/20 that he does.

10:22 -- What a sap.

10:23 -- Not sure what I think about this Isabelle. Feels like they are trying to force another creepy character on us. The rest of the room thinks she's a transvestite; a tad harsh, I think. What happened to Ms. Klugh?

10:26 -- Well at least Jack scored with Achara. There is a dirty joke here to be made about her "gift," but I'm gonna be the adult here and let it go.

10:28 -- Hey it's Cindy from the back of the plane and she's "there to watch." That doesn't sound good. Oh Cindy, Ana Lucia's dead and she was a bitch, too. Sorry to break it to you.

10:30 -- Karl ran away to hide in the woods and cry and has never heard of "The Brady Bunch." Except for the episode in Hawaii with Vincent Price and the tiki, I wish I had never heard of it either. Lauren wonders why they aren't questioning Karl more. Fair point.

10:32 -- Gotta admit, I am bored as hell. The room is restless and throwing out four-letter words.

10:33 -- Apparently, Alex has daddy issues too. She and Jack will have a lot to talk about.

10:34 -- And Jack wants out of his cage. Maybe now something will actually happen.

10:39 -- "The cavalry has arrived at last." -- Henry Gale. If this were a cheezy 90s sitcom, the studio audience would applaud Henry's first appearance -- it's long overdue.

10:40 -- So Ethan was a surgeon. He kinda looked more like he worked at UPS.

10:41 -- So Jack is going to save Ben to save Juliet. Can a man be (another word for a small cat)-whipped if they haven't even had sex? Grow a pair Jack!

10:42 -- By the way, part of me thinks Jack is lying about the infection just to save Juliet.. Only, again, I don't think he has the cajones.

10:43 -- "My work is not decoration, it is definition." -- Achara. Bit of a letdown on the whole "gift" thing. I wish it had been something dirty.

10:45 -- I think Jack just committed reverse tattoo rape. Never thought I'd coin that phrase.

10:46 -- "He has, however, ordered her to be marked." -- Isabelle. Like a tattoo? Like "The Scarlett Letter"? What kind of mark are we talking about here?

10:50 -- Three things about Jack's beating: 1) His tattoo wasn't complete. 2) Reverse tattoo rape has its consequences. 3) I really thought one of the guys was going to say, "Welcome to Thailand, bitch!" R.I.P. "The O.C."

10:51 -- I was kind of expecting Juliet's "mark" to be like Jack's tattoo, not a branding.

10:54 -- Juliet says they're leaving the island and taking Jack back to where they live. We saw their little village when the plane crashed, so "where they live" shouldn't be a huge surprise. But so many people have mentioned it during the episode, I kinda think it will be.

10:55 -- Sawyer thinks Kate threw him a "I thought you were going to die" lay, and she doesn't appear to be denying it. That's gotta hurt.

10:56 -- So Jack's tattoo says, "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us." Jack says, "That's what they say, but that's not what they mean." Thanks, Yoda.

10:57 -- Nothing is really happening.

10:58 -- Still nothing.

10:59 -- Huh?

Normally I now do a "What did we learn this week?" But I am too angry for that. What the hell was that? On the heels of one of the best episodes ever, we get a complete and utter waste of an hour. Just a severe, other level disappointment.

According to the promos, we were supposed to get three mysteries solved, but I only counted two: what Jack's tattoo means (like anyone really cared about that!), and why no one watches "Lost" anymore. I can't defend this episode, so I am just going to stop writing about it. Tomorrow's "O.C." finale better be good, or else I will really lose it.

This is the spot where I usually throw out a question to try and spark comments, but it seems futile this week, since every comment will probably be about how much this episode sucked. But if you can come up with anything good that came out of this week, I'd LOVE to hear it. Seriously, anything at all.

(Deep breath ... Come on Daniel, it's just a television show.)

Sorry, normally I am not this negative. So let's try this again. Here is my question to you: If you could pick one word to describe your reaction to tonight's episode, what would it be?

See you next week.

Posted by Daniel at 05:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)

Doesn't the week go by faster when you have "Lost" to look forward to?

There were a lot of really great comments after last week's diary. A few responses to some of the better ones:

-- Yes, I completely left out the line where Mr. Friendly said, "Ever since the sky turned purple..." Obviously it's a very important line, and I just forgot to include it.

-- No, I really didn't see the bus accident coming and I didn't even put two and two together until right before Juliet did. I don't notice everything.

-- The mystery I most want solved is how Locke ended up in the wheelchair. I know it's not the biggest one, and I know it will probably be a letdown, but I am dying to know what happened.

This week, my usual crew is splintered because of Valentine's Day, so I am left to watch "Lost" by myself. Looks like Desmond is my Valentine this year! Let's roll:

10:01 -- We're back on the beach this week, which means I have to put up with Charlie. Locke just broke the news of Eko's death, which feels like it happened years ago at this point.

10:03 -- Desmond is freaking out and running through the jungle before he dives into the ocean, presumably to help Kate, Karl and Sawyer. He's not the only one that can see the future!

10:04 -- Nope, it was Claire. Apparently I can't see the future. While Desmond is trying to revive Claire, Charlie will not shut up. If anyone wonders why I find him so annoying, this scene is why.

10:05 -- You know how they have websites that will translate whatever you type into Yoda-speak or jive? They should have one for Hurley, except all it does is add "dude" to the beginning and end of every sentence.

10:08 -- Um, how did Claire get bangs all of a sudden?

10:09 -- Charlie is, of course, giving Desmond the evil eye because nobody is allowed to talk to Claire. If there is a Charlie flashback episode next week, I might have to take anger management classes.

10:11 -- Does anyone think Charlie can out-drink anyone? He weighs 135 pounds and is, you know, an idiot.

10:13 -- Please Desmond, choke him to death.

10:14 -- Desmond flashback time, but is it really a flashback? He's acting like he transported straight from the island to back in his flat with Penny (with a quick stop for a shave somewhere in between). Interesting.

10:18 -- The clock reads 1:08 -- the button had to be pushed every 108 minutes. God, I love this show. Something tells me this "flashback" is going to be trippy.

10:20 -- The delivery guy says, "Parcel here for 815." Oceanic Air Flight 815. Told you, going to be a weird one.

10:21 -- Desmond doesn't look quite right clean-shaven.

10:22 -- Same bottle of whiskey as on the beach ...

10:23 -- Penny's dad goes the long way in telling Desmond he can't marry his daughter. A simple "no" would have done the trick.

10:25 -- Now Charlie is showing up in Desmond's "flashback." That sucks. Seems like Desmond is starting to figure out what's going on.

10:30 -- It's starting to look like the rest of the episode is going to be Desmond's "flashback." I kinda like that. So long as Charlie doesn't show up again.

10:32 -- Desmond is trying to predict the future and failing miserably. Every time a movie or show tries to use sports as a way of proving someone has traveled through time, I immediately think of Gray's Sports Almanac and "Back to the Future II." Underrated movie.

10:34 -- Ok, Penny is pretty awesome and everything, but I don't want this whole thing to turn sappy. I am digging this alternate reality/time travel/"flashback" thing we got going on here.

10:35 -- Desmond is going ring shopping and the saleswoman has "just the thing," but now she won't sell it to him. He's supposed to have second thoughts, she says. Is the "flashback" now talking back to him? I am starting to think I should be drinking while I watch this episode. Heavily.

10:36 -- "If you don't do those things, every single one of us is dead." -- crazy saleswoman. Um, what?

10:42 -- Ok, crazy saleswoman knew about the guy in the red shoes dying. Is any of this "real?" Is this supposed to explain how Desmond can see the future? Is the lesson about fate and destiny? I have some vodka in the freezer, I'll be right back.

10:43 -- Did the crazy saleswoman just recite the plot to "Final Destination?"

10:45 -- Here comes the part where Desmond breaks Penny's heart.

10:46 -- The photo Desmond has with him on the beach, that's the one he just took with Penny. This episode is like watching "Memento" -- it's starting to give me a headache.

10:47 -- Commence heartbreak.

10:52 -- "I've made the biggest mistake of my life. And the worst part is I am pretty sure I made it before." -- Desmond. Talk about a tortured soul.

10:53 -- They are setting up the soccer comeback, but this time it really happens. Well done.

10:54 -- And Desmond wakes up back on the island, again. The hatch has imploded and he is naked. Back to square one.

10:56 -- Odds this episode ends with Desmond making a drunken, cryptic prediction of the future?

10:58 -- Oh my God, it's like Christmas, my birthday and Flag Day all rolled into one!!! Charlie is gonna die!!! Great day in the morning!!! Yes, it scares me that I am this happy about the prospect of a fictional character dying. And no, I don't think think it says anything good about me as a person.

This week's "what did we learn?" is going to be short: Charlie is going to die!!! This is better than if Jennifer Love Hewitt posed for Playboy. Ok, maybe I've gone too far there.

Funny story: I was talking with my friend Matt tonight. He watches "Lost" with me every Wednesday, but never watched season one. Thus, he's never seen "Walkabout," the first Locke flashback episode. It's hands-down the best "Lost" episode there is. I don't know if I am in Charlie-death euphoria, but this one is top five for me. I give it an absolute A. Of course, if he doesn't end up dying, I am changing the grade to an F-.

So Desmond's life passed before his eyes, only it's still happening. Wow. Oh, and did I mention Charlie is going to die?

Time for your comments, and here is my question to jump-start the discussion: You already know my least favorite character on the show. Excluding the two new people (Nikki and Paulo, cause they suck), who is your least favorite character on "Lost"?

See you next week.

Posted by Daniel at 05:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (18)

Did you miss me? More importantly, did you miss "Lost?"

Flashback to Tuesday afternoon, 2:00 PM. My co-worker, Evan, asked me, "Do you know what happens in 24 hours?" "No," I said. "It'll be eight hours until 'Lost.'"

"Lost" is back, baby!

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way.

I'm gathered tonight with Ari (our host), Lauren (the "Lost" Nazi), and Matt (no clever title). Let's roll:

10:00 -- We open with Juliet crying on the beach. Lauren immediately says, "I don't want to see a backstory on this bitch." Nice. Juliet then heads into one of the bunkers, passing Ethan in the hall, to check on a patient (played by Robin Weigert from "Deadwood"). I am guessing she has that strange island illness.

10:02 -- "Are you saying that because you don't think it's going to work, or because you're afraid he'll find out." -- Juliet's sister, Rachel. "He" is probably Henry Gale.

Note: a few "Lost" rules:

1. I always call Ben by his "real" name: Henry Gale. It just sounds cooler.
2. Juliet is evil. Evil, evil, evil.
3. The day after the episode where Charlie dies, party at my house.

10:03 -- Whoa, they're not on the island at all -- it's Miami. I already love this episode.

10:04 -- Back to the present, and Jack is yelling at Kate again. Run!!! Sawyer and Kate hand out a little ass-beating before they leave. Seems only fair.

10:05 -- It's Jack vs. Juliet in the operating room, and she is already acting like the evil woman I know she is. "If you have to, kill them!" she says.

10:07 -- The difference between past Juliet and present Juliet? Past Juliet has terrible hair. And somehow she looks older; like a cross between Bonnie Raitt and Kyra Sedgwick.

10:08 -- Her last name is Burke, she steals drugs, and she used to be married to the bad guy from season one of "24."

10:10 -- Jack just told Mr. Friendly about how Juliet asked him to kill Henry Gale. Nice play. I liked Mr. Friendly better when he had the fake beard.

10:12 -- A gunfight has broken out between the Others and Kate and Sawyer. "Lost" isn't really a gunfight kind of show.

10:13 -- Sawyer just ran out of bullets, which is good. I hate when movies and television shows have guys just firing shots and never having to reload -- that's not realistic. Of course, this show has a black smoke monster, and that's not realistic either. I digress.

10:14 -- Alex saves the day with her trusty slingshot, drawing laughs from the room. Dennis the Menace would be proud.

10:15 -- Henry Gale is awake, barely, and he spoke two very simple sentences, and yet completely freaked the hell out of me. Who's better than Henry Gale? Is it wrong that I am rooting for him?

10:18 -- Whatever Juliet is doing with her sister, her ex is on to it. What is she doing exactly? That is the question.

10:20 -- The fact that Ben is awake seems to have put the fear of God in Juliet. Worth noting.

10:22 -- OK, seriously, Henry Gale is strapped down to a table, in the middle of a spinal surgery and apparently 40 minutes from death, and I am still scared every time he comes on screen. "One gentleman to another," he tells Jack. Ahhhh!!!!! He scares the HELL out of me.

10:23 -- What are Henry and Juliet talking about? Watching them talk, without being able to hear what they are saying, is incredibly creepy. And it's really only this creepy because it's them.

10:24 -- "I'm Tom, by the way." -- Mr. Friendly. Great line. "They've got history," he says. I'd love to know what he means by that.

10:25 -- So Juliet is going to help Sawyer and Kate escape. Should be interesting.

10:28 -- Juliet is being wooed for some kind of job in Portland. And apparently she can impregnate male mice. We all have talents.

10:30 -- Juliet just discovered Alex is helping Sawyer and Kate escape. This might not end well for Alex.

10:31 -- Random celeb cameo alert!!! It's Rob McElhenney from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" as an Other.

10:32 -- Alex's dad is alive and it's Henry Gale. Wait, I am confused. Danielle was the one who caught Henry Gale in her trap last season. Shouldn't she have recognized him if he's the father of her child? Unless Alex only thinks Henry is her dad.

10:33 -- Sawyer called it the "Wookie Prisoner Trick." Ha!

10:34 -- Poor Karl is undergoing some weird torture. One of the screens read: "God loves you as He loved Jacob." The Others have mentioned a "Jacob" before. Coincidence?

10:40 -- Apparently Juliet got her sister pregnant through some kind of shot. She did tell Jack she was a fertility doctor, so I guess that makes sense.

10:41 -- I'm sorry, what just happened? Did Juliet's ex just get hit by a bus?

10:42 -- And now Jack is about to kill Henry, this time by accident. If Henry dies, so help me God...

10:43 -- Sawyer vs Pickett. Time for the main event.

10:44 -- Or not. Told you, Juliet is evil.

10:47 -- Juliet won't let Alex leave the island. "We both know your father," Juliet says. That line sounded like it could have been pulled straight from "According to Jim." Except on "Lost" it's much creepier.

10:49 -- Kate tells Jack "the fear story" just as Jack saves Henry. Fantastic scene.

10:52 -- The tone of the episode is slowing down so much, you know they are just going to hit you over the head with something crazy very shortly.

10:54 -- Jack is looking down at Henry Gale and tells Juliet that the tumor is gone. Jack wants to know what Henry said to her in that scene from before. Yeah, you and about 16 million people.

10:55 -- It's Ethan again. OH MY GOD!!!! How did I not see this coming??! Juliet said to the Portland guy, "Hey I wish my ex would get hit by a bus" and then HE GOT RUN OVER BY A BUS!!! How could I have missed that????!!!

10:56 -- Juliet just figured it out. And Mr. Alpert knows about Juliet's sister being pregnant.

10:57 -- "Actually, we're not quite in Portland." -- Best. Line. Ever. Welcome to the Hanso Foundation.

10:58 -- So, Ben told Juliet that if she helped him live, Ben would let her go home. Apparently, however bad ass Juliet is, she doesn't have the power to get off the island and doesn't want to be there either.

As always, I like to recap by asking, "What did we learn?" Here we go...

While Henry says he's been on the island his whole life, Juliet has not ... And apparently she wants out ... Alex thinks Henry is her father ... Juliet is afraid of Henry ... Juliet has changed a lot since she got to the island.

When Jack was asking about what Henry said to Juliet, he said, "After all I have been through, you owe me." Lauren quipped, "That's how I feel about the producers of the show." Sums up the opinion of most "Lost" viewers quite well I think.

I don't think tonight's episode was what a lot of people were looking for, but I loved it. I give the episode a solid B -- I enjoyed Juliet's flashbacks, I am glad at least Sawyer and Kate are off the island, and I am really looking forward to Juliet vs. Henry now that he's out of surgery. Plus, Charlie wasn't in it, so that's always good.

And now I leave the rest of the column to you and your comments. I always read them and usually use a few of them to kick off the next week's diary. So here's my question to you this week: If you could have next week's episode answer one "Lost" mystery, which would it be?

See you next week.

Posted by Daniel at 10:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)