The Lost Diary

Welcome back to another edition of the "Lost" Diary.

Not sure how many sports fans we have here on TMZ, but let me make an analogy for you. After two amazing episodes of "Lost," I have been walking around as if my favorite team just won the championship. I've got a permanent smile on my face, I talk trash to people who don't watch the show -- I am even close to getting a jersey with the numbers "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42" written on the back. My show is the best and I know it! Bring on all challengers!

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week it's just me and Ari, so I'll have to imagine what Lauren would say every time Sawyer comes on screen. Let's roll:

10:00 -- Starting off right in the thick of it, Nikki is frantically burying something. If I am going to have to watch a whole episode of Nikki and Paulo, it better be good.

10:01 -- Ok, Nikki as a stripper is a step in the right direction. You never realize how attractive someone is when you spend all your time wishing they never existed.

10:02 -- We just watched a scene from the worst television show ever, "Exposé." But I guess if Nikki were in a bikini each week, I might tune in.

10:03 -- But any sexiness she had just went out the window when she kissed that old guy. That's probably what Anna Nicole and that Howard Marshall guy were like.

10:04 -- I'll let my good friend Hurley describe what just happened: "Dude, Nikki's dead."

10:07 -- It's 84 days ago, and Paulo is Nikki's boyfriend's chef. It's funny that Nikki's grandpa -- I mean boyfriend -- says he is the Wolfgang Puck of Brazil, since Rodrigo Santoro (who plays Paulo) is referred to as "the Brazilian Tom Cruise." Which is weird, because even Tom Cruise doesn't suck this bad.

10:08 -- Uh oh, looks like Gramps won't make it. And Nikki and Paulo don't look that shocked ...

10:09 -- ... because they killed him to get whatever was in his safe. Razzle-frickin-dazzle. So far if I could grade the writing of this episode, it would be an F.

10:10 -- Watching Sun, Charlie, Sawyer and Hurley are turning into the gang from "Scooby-Doo." Did Nikki say "Paulo lies" as her dying words? Couldn't tell.

10:11 -- Watching Nikki and Paulo in the airport, I am trying really hard not to hate them, but I can't. And do you know why?

10:12 -- Because I would sooooo prefer Shannon and Boone! Good to see them back, even if it is just in a flashback. By the way, when the producers of "Lost" called the reps for Maggie Grace and Ian Somerhalder to ask them to come back, how fast do you think they said "yes"? Five seconds? Ten seconds?

10:13 -- Ok, now we're getting flashbacks from the pilot, only Nikki and Paulo are now mixed in. This is like watching "Back to the Future II" and seeing scenes we already saw before, just from a different angle.

10:14 -- Hey it's Artz! Dude, you've got some Artz on you!

10:15 -- And now Paulo is dead too. While I am kind of happy that Nikki and Paula are dead, I kind of hope the rest of this episode does something to explain why they were even introduced on the show in the first place.

10:17 -- The Lost Detective Agency is working "The Case of the Dead Cast Members Nobody Liked."

10:18 -- It's 75 days ago now, and Ethan is milling around the camp and Jack is giving an inspirational speech. Ah, the good ol' days.

10:21 -- It's 57 days ago and Nikki is breaking out "the girls" to get Artz to help her find the missing bag and whatever she stole from Gramps.

10:22 -- Paulo made the mistake of throwing the fact that Nikki slept with Gramps in her face. If there is one thing you never do, it's remind your girlfriend she had to sleep with an old guy -- that you later poisoned -- in order to get close enough to steal from him. They don't like that.

10:23 -- Nikki and Paulo found the plane that Boone died in ... and the Pearl hatch. Man, if only someone had actually talked to these people for the first month or so on the island, then they might have actually learned something.

10:24 -- The Lost Detective Agency is still on the case. While Hurley goes on about "Exposé," Sawyer finds a walkie-talkie belonging to the Others. Well maybe there is hope for this episode yet.

10:29 -- It's now 48 days ago, and Kate is explaining to Shannon and Artz where they found the suitcase of guns -- which Nikki hopes will lead to the missing case. We're at the halfway point of the episode and I have to admit that I am not feeling this at all.

10:30 -- Nikki is trying to get Paulo to dive into the water to look for the case. She's not exactly the most likable woman I ever met.

10:31 -- Paulo finds the missing case (of course) but lies about it (of course). Whatever is in that case better have a Dharma logo or the numbers on it or something.

10:32 -- While the group is talking about Nikki and Paulo, Sun mentions the time the Others kidnapped her -- only it was really Charlie. And based on the guilty looks of Charlie and Sawyer -- and the fact that we saw Sun punch Sawyer in the promos -- I'd say she's going to learn it was them before we're done here. (Note: I know, I know; I said I wasn't going to watch promos anymore. But I didn't even watch this one. People told me about it.)

10:33 -- It's now 32 days ago and Paulo is chomping away at nicotine gum and trying to bury the mystery doll in the sand, but Locke catches him. Locke is his early season two, jovial self. Miss that guy.

10:34 -- So Paulo decides to hide the mystery item back at the Pearl station. Ari remembers that Paulo snuck into the bathroom of the Pearl when he was there later on, presumably to fetch what he just hid. How did he remember that?

10:35 -- But before Paulo can leave, Juliet and Henry Gale show up, talking about how they are going to get Jack to perform the surgery.

10:36 -- "Same way I get anyone to do anything. I find out what he's emotionally invested it and then I exploit it." -- Henry Gale. He was on screen for like a minute and he was better than everyone else in this episode combined. Long live Henry Gale! Oh, and now we know how Paulo found the walkie-talkie, so there won't be any cool reveal about that. You hear that noise? That's the sound of this episode sucking.

10:37 -- So Nikki and Sawyer were arguing earlier? Interesting.

10:41 -- The Lost Detective Agency is hard on the case, with Hurley pointing fingers at Sawyer. Meanwhile, now it's just Sun and Charlie by the grave site. Wonder if he'll confess now ...

10:42 -- Yeah, that was kind of easy. I don't know why Charlie confessed. Bad Idea Jeans.

10:43 -- We're up to nine days ago and we're seeing the scene where Nikki and Paulo go to the Pearl. Nothing we really haven't see before, except for Paulo retrieving the pouch.

10:44 -- Sawyer is back from "sweeping the perimeter" and the Lost Detective Agency is ready to confront him. I am half expecting them to pull back his mask and reveal he's really Henry Gale in disguise! If it wasn't for you meddling kids!

10:45 -- But it's not that interesting. Nikki was just hiding diamonds. Boring.

10:49 -- Nikki and Paulo have a sappy talk on the beach, until Nikki realizes he's lying. Still not sure how this leads to them both dying.

10:50 -- Nikki asks Sawyer for a gun, doesn't get it. Knew that.

10:51 -- Sawyer doesn't have a shirt on. Hang on for a sec while I try and channel my inner Lauren. Here goes, "I want to lick the television." How'd I do?

10:52 -- Sun confronts Sawyer about the kidnapping. When Sawyers asks Sun why she isn't going to tell Jin, she says, "Because then we'd have to dig another grave." Very true. She gives him back the diamonds and slaps him on the face. Seems like Sawyer got off easy.

10:53 -- When I die, I only want two things: 1) Prince to sing at my funeral and 2) Hurley to give my eulogy. "Um, Daniel worked for TMZ. And he wrote about this show called 'Lost.' And he was cool. And he was nice to me. And he was funny. And ..."

10:54 -- Is Sawyer really burying the diamonds with Nikki and Paulo? Come on, that's just stupid.

10:55 -- Alright, it's eight hours ago -- time to learn how Nikki and Paulo died. Ari has it figured out before it happens -- Nikki uses Artz's spider.

10:56 -- "One bite from the spider will paralyze you for about eight hours." -- Nikki. Wait a sec: didn't the graphic say this was happening eight hours ago? Oh my lord, Nikki and Paulo aren't dead!!! They are just paralyzed and Hurley and company buried them alive!!!

10:57 -- Yup, the pheromones from the female spider has attracted the male spiders and Nikki is a goner too. Have I been watching "Lost" this whole time or "The Twilight Zone"?

10:58 -- Nikki's last words were actually "para ... lyzed" and not "Paulo lies." Oops.

10:59 -- Nikki opens her eyes just as she's being buried alive.

11:00 -- Seriously, what show did I just watch?

So what did we learn? Nikki and Paulo were con artists who stole diamonds from some rich guy ... their greed was so strong, it killed both of them.

Man, this was an amazing episode ... of "Tales from the Crypt." Seriously, I feel like my show just got kidnapped by the Cryptkeeper. When does the real episode of "Lost" air this week? Is it on next? Please?

This week's show was a complete waste of time. I wanted Nikki and Paulo to die, but a whole episode for that? They should have just put a graphic up at the beginning of the show that said: "We were wrong, you were right. Nikki and Paulo sucked. Let's never mention them again." Then they could have done a completely different episode and I could have saved an hour of my life. While we can all appreciate the fact that Nikki and Paulo are dead, it was so anticlimactic that I have no clue why they were even on the show in the first place. Something tells me we haven't heard the last from them.

Now we've reached the point where I give the episode a grade, only this time I'm not. I am giving this week's show an Incomplete. I really don't see the purpose of this episode at all. So, I am hoping that in some way, at some point down the road, it will be revealed.

Here's my question to you this week: Over the last several weeks, we have seen "Lost" at its best and its worst. Can you pinpoint one thing that makes for a good episode of "Lost?" I'll give you my answer next week.

Posted by Daniel at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (18)

Time for another edition of the "Lost" Diary.

This week's comments were fun to read since someone tossed out the theory that Jack and Claire's dad, Christian, could be "him" or Jacob. There are two things that support this (and a dozen probably don't). First, he is involved in the flashbacks of Jack, Claire, Sawyer and Ana Lucia. That's a lot of coincidences there. Second, when Jack found his dad's coffin among the plane wreckage, it was empty. So I'm not saying ... I'm just saying.

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week I am with the usual crew of Ari, Lauren, April and Matt. Lauren is giddy to the point where she might pass out. Let's roll:

10:00 -- It's Locke flashback time. Fans are divided on almost every character on this show, but does anyone hate Locke? He's most people's favorite character.

10:02 -- Picking up where we left off, Locke, Sayid and Kate are watching Jack frolic with the Others. Later, Locke spots Jack shaking hands with Henry Gale, who is now wheelchair bound -- something Locke can surely relate to.

10:06 -- Kate wants to storm the Others compound, guns blazing -- proving again that she's an idiot. What are the odds she gets captured during this episode and held at gunpoint? Cause that hasn't happened in a few weeks.

10:07 -- Locke settles Kate down, using reason and logic, which certainly went over her head. The more Locke is in this show, the happier we'll all be.

10:08 -- "How many kidneys do you have?" -- Peter Talbot. You know what they say: The way to a man's heart is through his kidney.

10:09 -- Apparently, Locke's dad is swindling this guy's mom. I have nothing interesting to add here, except this thought that keeps going through my mind: After last week's great episode, and with everything that is going on, I don't think anything I see this week can shock me. If they showed me Jack salsa-dancing with a polar bear, I wouldn't blink.

10:10 -- So Kate and the crew failed miserably at trying to "rescue" Jack -- and Kate was held at gunpoint. Shocker. Did you notice how cold Jack was? When he said, "Just answer the question, Kate," I got chills. I love not knowing what's going on. If there wasn't a Jack flashback a few weeks back, wouldn't the two days we didn't see Jack make for a great flashback episode? Like they did with Claire when she was missing? Maybe later in the season.

10:13 -- Locke -- because he's the man -- went straight for Henry Gale and he's looking for the submarine. Don't know what to make of that just yet. Locke is the only person who doesn't actually want to get off the island.

10:17 -- So now Locke has Alex hostage in a closet while Mr. Friendly fills-in Henry Gale on what's gone on. Did you notice the line, "What about Juliet and Shepherd? Tomorrow..." and then he got cut off. I am telling you, Jack is about to be taken off the island and he doesn't want Kate and the rest of them to screw it up. I feel good about this prediction.

10:18 -- "I want you to bring me the man from Tallahassee." -- Henry Gale. He can make anything sound cool. Like the next line, "No John, unfortunately we don't have a code for 'There's a man in my closet with a gun to my daughter's head. Although, we obviously should." Any scene between Locke and Henry Gale is gold. Gold!

10:19 -- Back in the flashback, Locke is back to stalking his dad again. Good times.

10:20 -- Locke tells his dad off, big moment and all, but now seems like a good time to mention something: If I don't find out why Locke is paralyzed in this episode, I will lose it. I've been good, I watch the show every week, this is what I want. Maybe even more than Charlie dying. Well ...

10:21 -- Henry Gale figured it out before I did. I am such an idiot. Locke doesn't want the submarine to get off the island -- he wants to blow it up so he never leaves the island!!! Man, I love this show.

10:22 -- Henry Gale knows how Locke ended up in the wheelchair and I don't?!?! No fair!!! But, on the plus side, that probably means we'll find out soon. I am almost too excited to type.

10:23 -- "Tell me John, did it hurt?" -- Henry Gale.

10:24 -- Jack goes to see Kate, but not before being tipped off about the fact the Others are watching by Mr. Friendly. Interesting.

10:27 -- Alright, the scene between Jack and Kate -- where to begin? First off, if you didn't love this scene, you probably also kill puppies for fun. Awesome scene on just about every level. It had a little mystery, a little romance, a little of everything. Phenomenal. Jack, like I said, didn't want Kate come back for him because he didn't want to face her; he felt bad he was leaving her behind. Just a great scene.

10:32 -- Peter Talbot is dead. No shock there.

10:33 -- Locke and Henry Gale have a great conversation about why and how Locke started walking again. I am thiiiiiiis close to not even caring about "Lost" anymore and just wishing they'd spin off a show about Locke and Henry Gale as roommates who work together at an ad agency, who have to live in all-girl apartment building in the city, so they dress up as women ... oh wait, that was "Bosom Buddies." Nevermind.

10:34 -- Oh yeah, Sayid. Alex gets his pack and Sayid plays the mom card.

10:35 -- "We have two giant hamsters running in a massive wheel at our secret underground lair." -- Henry Gale. He'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

10:36 -- "Picture a box. You know something about boxes, don't you, John? What if I told you that somewhere on this island there is a very large box, and whatever you imagined, whatever you wanted to be in it -- when you opened that box, there it would be. What would you say about that John?" -- Henry Gale.

10:37 -- "I'd say I hope that box is big enough to imagine yourself up a new submarine." -- Locke.

10:38 -- "Because you're in a wheelchair, and I'm not." -- Locke.

(I had to throw those lines as separate entries, they were too good.)

10:39 -- Ok, how do I sum up this scene between Locke and Henry Gale? Every time they are on screen together, I don't breath and everyone in the room stops talking. I think that sums it up.

10:43 -- Henry Gale tries to talk Locke out of blowing up the sub by telling him what we all know -- that the sub can't come back because they can't communicate with the outside world (and Mikhail said something about the homing beacon being destroyed). We're all debating whether the sub is really the only way off the island. The consensus: no.

10:44 -- Locke goes to blow up the sub and Rousseau gets her first glimpse at Alex. Will Locke blow up the sub? I'm going with yes.

10:45 -- "Your friends are only here to rescue you, but you seem to be doing a good job of rescuing yourself, so ..." -- Henry Gale to Jack. Ouch.

10:46 -- "I'll let them go, just as soon as you've left the island." -- Henry Gale. Interestingly worded, don't you think? Henry Gale is completely playing Locke -- he wants the sub blown up so Juliet can't leave. I might have to bump Henry Gale up on my Best Characters on Television list.

10:47 -- Jack and Juliet run into Locke on the pier and the sub explodes. Why is it that things always seem to blow up right on cue on this show?

10:49 -- Locke is back to confront his dad -- who drinks MacCutcheon whiskey. This won't end well for Locke.

10:50 -- Ow. I mean seriously, ow. I'm not ready to talk about this yet. I need a few minutes.

10:53 -- I'm not going to lie: watching Locke's first encounter with the wheelchair left me a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic. Henry Gale's name is neither Henry, nor Gale. Discuss.

10:54 -- Locke is handcuffed to a drainpipe, like Mel Gibson in "Lethal Weapon." I can't even focus when Henry Gale and Locke are talking.

10:56 -- "You're not going to start talking about the magic box again, are you?" -- Locke.

10:57 -- "No, John. I am going to show you what came out of it." -- Henry Gale.

10:58 -- Oh dear lord, what is in the box? This is most excited I have been about the contents of a box since "Seven." It has to be one of two things, I think: another submarine or Locke's dad.

10:59 -- "Dad?" -- Locke. For the second straight week, THAT IS HOW YOU END AN EPISODE OF "LOST."

So what did we learn this week? A few little things, maybe, but one big thing: "Lost" is back. And I am thiiiiiiis close to challenging to fight anyone who says otherwise. Or a game of Connect Four. Because I am awesome at Connect Four and terrible at fighting.

But seriously, I was talking to a friend last week and we were both saying how we wanted "Lost" to be good again, because at its best there is nothing on TV like it. If "The Shield" isn't great, "The Wire" will be. If "Scrubs" isn't funny, "South Park" will be. But can anything on TV right now fill the void of "Lost"? I don't think so.

This episode is a definite A. Locke and Henry Gale were amazing. We had two utterly heart-wrenching scenes, fantastic writing and a shocker of an ending. What more can you ask for?

Allow me to answer my own question. We found out this week how Locke ended up in the wheelchair -- which, as you may know, is the one thing I wanted to learn more than anything. I have to say, it felt a tad anticlimactic. It was no real shocker that his dad had something to with it. I felt a little letdown by the reveal, but I am not sure what would have left me satisfied -- a tie-in with someone else on the island might have done it. Oh well.

So now that the mystery has been solved, I need a new "one thing I really want to learn." And I'm going to cheat and pick two things: I want to know who Jack's wife left him for, and I want to know who the original Sawyer was (Locke's dad has always been my theory).

I asked this question once before and a lot has happened since then, so I'll ask again: What is the one mystery you want solved more than any other? And don't cheat and pick two like I did. See you next week.

Posted by Daniel at 03:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (67)

Welcome to my new website, TheLostDiary.com. I will be writing this weekly column here from now on, so bookmark the site and tell all your friends.

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week I am with the usual crew of Ari, Lauren, Matt and April. Let's roll:

10:00 -- The "previously on 'Lost'" just reminded us that Charlie is going to die. My birthday is one month from tonight, so if ABC was thinking of getting me an early birthday present, that would certainly be it.

10:01 -- It's quite the uplifting beginning start to the show as Claire's flashback shows her mom seemingly dead from a car accident. Promos for this week (I tried to avoid them, and failed) say that we'll learn a connection between two Losties. Claire will apparently be one of them.

10:02 -- Charlie was saying something to Claire about breakfast on the beach -- but I was blinded with rage, so I didn't catch the details.

10:03 -- "No, I like dogs." -- Locke. Nice to see Locke still has a pair. I was beginning to wonder.

10:04 -- Desmond interrupts Charlie and Claire, presumably to try and save Charlie's life -- which, of course, won't win Desmond any points with me. Oh, and according to Claire, a flock of birds is apparently the key to getting everyone off the island. Why didn't anyone think of it sooner?

10:08 -- While Claire is explaining "The Bird Plan," it finally dawns on Charlie why Desmond wants him to go hunting. Any chance Desmond is trying to lure Charlie into the woods to shoot him? Any at all?

 
10:10 -- I have nothing interesting to say about the scene with Claire and the cop except to say I don't like her with dark hair.

10:11 -- Do you think Rousseau knows any jokes? Or ever laughs? She's just a non-stop downer. Lighten up, Frenchy!

10:12 -- Ok, if this scene between Mikhail and the Losties didn't have you holding your breath the entire time, then you obviously do not need oxygen to live. Where do I begin? First of all, I love that Mikhail mentioned "the list" (Mr. Friendly mentioned it earlier in the season -- fascinating concept to me) and the people who weren't on it were "bad" in some way. Secondly, he almost told everyone that Locke was paralyzed, and it would have been great to see everyone's reaction. Third, Mikhail mentioned "him" again and we learned more about how the hatch explosion messed with the Others. This scene was a definite Tivo Moment.

10:15 -- The Others have some kind of electric fence surrounding their compound. I am sure Sayid and Locke can figure out a way around that.

10:20 -- Ok, Claire's mom is in bad shape, blah, blah, blah. But don't you recognize Claire's Aunt Lindsey as the woman Jack's dad went to go see in Australia in Ana Lucia's flashback last year? I guess we're going to learn what we already knew -- Claire and Jack are half-siblings.

10:21 -- Hospital expenses taken care of? Yup, too easy.

10:22 -- "I've been asked to keep that confidential." -- The Doc. "Linderman?" Ari asks.

10:23 -- Desmond ruined Claire's "Bird Plan." On purpose, perhaps?

10:25 -- Mikhail, with a little help from Locke, shows us what happens when you cross through the security system. Lesson learned.

10:30 -- "You never know when a little C-4 might come in handy." -- Locke. Sayid is giving him shit for it, but Locke is right -- some C-4 seems pretty good right about now.

10:31 -- Charlie and Claire are arguing because Charlie didn't support her "Bird Plan." Obviously I am on Claire's side and I think she should stab in the gut to teach him a lesson. Please.

10:33 -- Welcome back, Mr. Shephard.

10:35 -- "I'm your father, Claire." -- Christian Shephard. I'll take "Things We Already Knew" for $200 please, Alex. Lauren thinks "it's a bit much" that Claire and Jack are half-siblings. Matt says it's better than watching a VW van drive around in circles. So noted.

10:39 -- Locke is cutting down trees to make a plank for them to use to walk over the security fence. Random fact: I always watch The Great Outdoor Games when they're on ESPN. Thought you might want to know.

10:40-- Kate makes it safely over the fence. While I do believe that any character on this show could be killed off at any time, does anyone really think that an electric fence is going to be what does anyone in?

10:41 -- Red rover, red rover, send Locke right over.

10:42 -- Claire's dad found out about the accident because a doctor friend of his in Sydney told him. Um, what? Do you think Christian told his doctor friend, "Hey if the mother of my illegitimate child should ever get hit by a car, you know where to find me"?

10:43 -- Hey long last dad, good to see you. What's that? You want to kill my brain dead mom? Sounds good.

10:45 -- Claire confronts Desmond about the birds and the "seeing the future" thing and Desmond explains how Charlie would have broken his neck after getting pounded into the rocks by the ocean if he had tried to help Claire find the birds. I would have been totally fine with that.

10:52 -- Last round of Claire flashbacks. Her hair is blonde again and she's pregnant now, so we have to figure a lot of time has passed and her mom is still on life support.

10:54 -- Apparently Claire has been keeping her mom alive because she thinks the accident is her fault and that she said some nasty things to her mom right before she died. Minor observation: Claire wished her mom would die and then she did. I'm just saying ...

10:56 -- A nice little montage as Charlie reads the letter they are sending with the bird. Too bad Charlie was the one reading it.

10:57 -- Claire releases the bird to fly away and, presumably, take the message to civilization. Wouldn't it be hysterical if that is how they get off the island. Any by "hysterical" I mean completely stupid. But, I wouldn't be surprised if that note surfaces again at some point.

10:58 -- "We're here." -- Sayid.

10:59 -- Jack is playing catch with Mr. Friendly. NOW THAT IS HOW YOU END AN EPISODE OF "LOST."

So what did we learn this week? Jack and Claire are half-siblings ... The Others can leave the island, but they can't come back ... The list does seem to separate the good from the bad ... Their is a "him" and it's not Ben ... ABC is going to dangle Charlie's death in front of me like a carrot. Just kill him already so we can all move on.

Last week I bemused the lack of Tivo Moments in "Lost" lately. I think this week gave us 1.5 moments: the entire conversation with Mikhail definitely warranted re-watching and seeing Jack playing catch definitely made everyone yell. You had to see it coming -- Jack getting comfy with The Others -- because he's "on the list." Didn't matter though; it was still a great ending.

I give this episode a solid B+. The scene with Mikhail and the Jack scene at the end were amazing -- exactly why I watch "Lost." It also had a great balance between mystery and hope -- two of "Lost's" most predominant themes. What also made this episode so good is that ended leaving you DYING for more, but yet I didn't feel cheated by it. Simply amazing.

So here is my question to you this week: If you had even the slightest doubt that "Lost" wasn't good anymore, did this episode restore your faith? You know my answer. See you next week.

Posted by Daniel at 06:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (176)

Time for another edition of the "Lost" Diary.

A lot of the comments said I was too harsh on last week's episode. Now, I did find myself enjoying the episode as it unfolded, but when it was done, and I realized nothing had really happened, I was pissed off. "Lost" is (was?) the kind of show where you absolutely could not miss a single episode or else you wouldn't know what was going on the following week. You could have easily skipped the last two shows and been fine and that's just not what "Lost" is about. Thus, that's the reason I hated last week's show.

This week I am with the usual crew of Ari, Lauren and Matt. Lauren had a dream that tonight's episode of "Lost" would be good. So assuming Lauren can predict the future, we're in for a good show. Let's roll:

10:00 -- Sawyer is mulling around the beach and acting pissy. He calls the new guy "Zorro," and it has now officially reached the point where Sawyer's nickname-calling has jumped the shark for me.

10:01 -- Sayid, Locke, Kate and Rousseau are making their way through the woods, looking for the Others. Note to the producers: more Locke, please!

10:03 -- Old MacOther had a farm, E-I-E-O.

10:06 -- When Sawyer starts bitching about his stuff, I just can't stand it. Does he not have anything more pressing to worry about than his copy of Guns & Ammo? But when Sawyer said "Who are you?" to the new chick, that was great.

10:07 -- My lord, it's like a dream come true. Sun wants Sawyer to stop using nicknames if they win the ping pong match. I LOVE IT!!!

10:08 -- Sayid and the gang are planning on going into the farm. Rousseau has never seen the place. For someone who has been there for 18 years, she does not know the island well at all.

10:10 -- It's Sayid flashback time and he is a chef now. Apparently, he is a good chef because the guy from "Crash" is offering him a job at his restaurant.

10:11 -- Patchy (Mikhail) shot Sayid in the arm and has proclaimed himself the last living member of the Dharma Initiative. I wouldn't lead with that on your resume, pal.

10:16 -- Mikhail is giving us his life story and how he got involved with the Dharma Initiative. He's been on the island 11 years, his hatch is called The Flame, and his job is to "communicate with the outside world." Information is coming fast and furious.

10:18 -- All of the members of the Dharma Initiative died in a war against the Hostiles and the satellite dish doesn't work.

10:19 -- Back to the flashback, where Sayid is going to check out the restaurant, only something tells me Sammy isn't really looking for a chef.

10:21 -- Yeah, Sayid is in trouble. He tortured the wrong person, I am guessing.

10:22 -- Mikhail is quite the host, though something tells me Locke shouldn't be playing that chess game; think "War Games."

10:23 -- Locke couldn't possibly beat the unbeatable computer in chess ...

10:24 -- Sayid thinks Mikhail is lying and that he's not alone. This could get good.

10:27 -- Back on the beach, it's Sawyer vs. Hurley for ping pong supremacy. Ari says he wants to play Sawyer in ping pong; Lauren wants to play him in tonsil hockey. To each their own.

10:29 -- Most fans like Sayid more than I do, but I do enjoy it when he's interrogating someone -- especially when that someone doesn't know they are being interrogated. But I guess Mikhail caught on Sayid's questioning and opted for "ass whooping" over small talk.

10:31 -- Locke was a tad late to get in on the action, wasn't he?

10:33 -- When you're chained to the ground, and someone threatens to cut you up and put in a duffel bag, I don't care who you are, that's got to worry you a little bit.

10:34 -- Sayid did his best Columbo impression to figure out that Mikhail (if that is his name) wasn't alone because the stirrups on the horse outside were set for someone much shorter than Mikhail. Uh, just one more thing Mikhail ...

10:37 -- Sayid won't admit to torturing Sammy's wife. Not sure if I believe him or not.

10:39 -- Is Locke really going to leave Mikhail unguarded to keep playing computer chess?

10:40 -- Yeah he is.

10:41 -- So what do you think happens when Locke wins the chess match? Someone should tell him the whole place is wired with explosives.

10:42 -- "Manual override achieved ... For mainland communication, enter 3-8." Didn't work. "For sonar access, enter 5-6." Neither did that one. How about, "To be magically teleported off the island and straight to Las Vegas, press 7-2"?

10:43 -- And Mikhail woke up. Fun while it lasted. Is it weird that while all this is going on, I can't help but think, "What's going on with the ping pong match?"

10:44 -- Hey, how weird, someone got the drop on Kate. That almost never happens. By the way, I missed Ms. Klugh.

10:45 -- And now I'll miss her forever. RIP Ms. Klugh.

10:49 -- The ping pong match is over and Hurley whooped up on Sawyer. Kinda wanted to see the whooping take place. Oh well.

10:50 -- To kill or not to kill Mikhail, that is the question. He ain't going anywhere.

10:53 -- Boring story about feeling safe, Sayid cries, Sammy's wife forgives him. Blah, blah, blah.

10:57 -- Sayid tells Rousseau that he won't kill Mikhail. Torture is fine. Murder? Not so much.

10:59 -- Maybe Locke shouldn't have typed 7-7.

Alright, so what did we learn this week? The Others would rather be dead than captured ... They would rather the hatches be destroyed than used by someone else ... The Others and the Dharma workers had a war at some point ... Sayid found a map to the Others hideout.

I honestly don't know what to make of this episode. Everything we were told came from a guy who was lying about who he was, so who knows what's true and what isn't. I couldn't help but wonder, was Kelvin lying way back when when he told Desmond he was in Dharma?

Maybe I am being too hard again, but I give this episode a C+. We learned a couple of interesting things (I think), and seeing Sawyer humbled is always good.

But here is my problem with the last few weeks -- there were no TiVo Moments. When "Lost" is at its best, you have to grab the remote a couple of times an episode and either pause it so you can talk about what just happened, or rewind it because what you just saw HAD to be seen again. When Locke and Eko watched the Dharma training video, we immediately rewound it and watched it again. When Locke found the map on the back of the hatch door, we went back, paused it, and studied it as best we could. That is what a good episode of "Lost" does. I haven't done that once in the last three weeks.

So my question of the week is simple: I was completely befuddled about what to make out of this week's show and I need your help. Give me your grade. I am hoping someone can talk me into believing this week's show was better than I realize.

Posted by Daniel at 05:07 PM | Permalink

I have come up with the theory that there are four times when I am super-mega excited for an episode of "Lost": a season premiere, a season finale, the week after a great episode and the week after a terrible one. So since last week's ep was such a dud, consider me super-mega excited for this week.

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week the usual crew of Ari, Lauren and Matt is back together. Let's roll:

10:00 -- Cheech is Lil' Hurley's dad, and apparently, he thinks you can fix cars just by wishing. He's been hanging around Chong too much if you ask me.

10:01 -- Lil' Hurley's dad sneaks him a candy bar. So of all the mysteries of "Lost," is this the episode where we learn why Hurley is fat? Food isn't love, little guy.

10:02 -- Odds Hurley is talking to Libby's grave?

10:03 -- Too easy.

10:04 -- Charlie is shaving on the beach. Gee, I hope he doesn't nick an artery ...

10:05 -- Hurley thinks he might be the reason that Charlie is going to die. Note to self: send Hurley some sausages as a thank you present.

10:06 -- Vincent returns holding an arm, which is holding a rabbit's foot and a key. That doesn't even make the top 20 list of weirdest things that have happened on this show. Hell, that's downright normal.

10:07 -- Did Hurley just find a car?

10:09 -- Tricia Tanaka is reporting on Hurley buying Mr. Cluck's, and the title of this episode is, "Tricia Tanaka Is Dead." Hmmm, I am not liking Tricia's chances here.

10:10 -- Actually, I don't like her chances of coming out of that chicken joint alive.

10:11 -- Poor Tricia, we hardly knew ya.

10:12 -- Hurley just found the van from "Little Miss Sunshine," except it's blue instead of yellow and instead of Greg Kinnear and Alan Arkin inside, it has dead Dharma workers .

10:13 -- Ugh, the new people. Why, J.J.? Why?

10:14 -- No one wants any part of Hurley and his blue van, except for Jin, who can't speak English. Even the stupid new people bailed.

10:15 -- At this point, if Sawyer and Kate are on screen -- and NOT having sex -- Lauren is disappointed. I can only assume she speaks for most women on this one.

10:16 -- Kate wants Sawyer to say he's sorry. Maybe it's just the guy in me, but I have no clue what he has to apologize for.

10:17 -- Kate and Sawyer arrive back at camp, congratulated by tons of people we've never seen before. Touching. Where are Rose and Bernard?

10:20 -- "Tricia Tanaka is dead." -- Hurley. Well said.

10:21 -- Hey dad, where you been the last 17 years? Oh, a fat joke? Thanks for that, pops. Good to see you.

10:22 -- "Dude, I suck at charades. You wanna what?" -- Hurley. Best line I have heard so far by someone who couldn't understand Jin.

10:23 -- "I have a right to know when I'm gonna die." -- Charlie. I have a right to know too, since I have that big party to plan when it happens. Yes, you're all invited -- but it's BYOB.

10:24 -- Alright, don't tell anyone this, but the Sawyer-Hurley-Jin reunion choked me up just a bit.

10:25 -- Ok, Kate is telling Sayid that Jack said he told Sawyer and her not to come back, because he sacrificed himself so they could escape. That's bull. I am telling you: Jack doesn't want them to mess with his "going home" and he doesn't want to face them again because he'll feel guilty. Now is probably the time to tell you I am almost never right with any theory I have about "Lost." Just thought you should know.

10:26 -- How much of this season has been spent watching one person explain something that already happened -- and that we already knew -- to someone else?

10:27 -- Kate is going for help. Rousseau, anyone?

10:30 -- Hurley looks really happy that his dad is home.

10:31 -- When Hurley's mom says "Hugo" like "Hoogo," I kinda giggle a bit every time. New rule: whenever Hurley's mom is around, I will refer to him as Hoogo. Starting ...

10:32 -- Now. Hoogo's mom wants some Cheech lovin'. Good for her.

10:33 -- "What's up with all this recycling?" -- Sawyer. Hmmm, lines like that usually aren't said for no reason.

10:34 -- Take your bets, will the car start? I am going with a resounding no.

10:35 -- The correct answer was "not even close." We would have also excepted "absolutely not." Thanks for playing.

10:36 -- Did Sawyer just "cheers" with that guy's skull?

10:39 -- I hate being awakened in the morning, but being awakened by Cheech would be a welcome change of pace.

10:40 -- Odds the psychic predicts doom and danger in Hurley's future? I am going with hells yes, and done so with terrible over-acting.

10:41 -- The correct answer was darkness and tragedy, mixed in with a stupid curse-removal ritual, which was all fake because Hurley's dad is a scumbag.

10:43 -- "Let's look death in the face and say, 'Whatever, man.'" -- Hurley. William Wallace, he ain't.

10:44 -- Sawyer shouldn't be teaching anyone English.

10:45 -- And Hurley shouldn't try insulting people. Redneck man? Weak.

10:46 -- Ok, seriously -- now "Lost" really has turned into "Little Miss Sunshine." Hurley is Greg Kinnear (the over-positive one), Sawyer is Alan Arkin (the wiseass) and Jin is the son who doesn't speak.

10:50 -- So what are the odds Charlie volunteers to drive the car down the hill? I say yes, followed by some stupid speech about cheating death. Followed by him succeeding and not dying. Followed by me hurling expletives at the TV.

10:51 -- Charlie volunteers to ride shotgun. 0 for 1.

10:52 -- "Victory or death." -- Charlie. Kinda cheesy speech. 1 for 2.

10:53 -- Hurley is closing his eyes and repeating, "There is no curse. You make your own luck." If you were wondering the exact moment this episode lost me, this is it.

10:54 -- Car starts, Charlie doesn't die. 2 for 3.

10:55 -- Sawyer and Jin jump into the car, kinda like they do in "Little Miss Sunshine."

10:56 -- "F&^@_!*$@#^!)&!!@!$!" -- me. 3 for 4.

10:58 -- What the hell was Sayid talking about with the light hitting Mr. Eko's stick and leading them to the Others? Did I black out when that happened? One last prediction: Kate tells Rousseau about Alex.

10:59 -- Too easy.

Okay, so what did we learn this week? Everyone on this show has daddy issues ... Hurley wasn't always fat ... When we're not looking, Sayid and Locke use Eko's Jesus stick as an Others compass.

After last week's debacle, I was looking forward to a return to form. Did I get it? Let's just say I will be typing that sentence again next week. This episode was almost as bad as the week before. But it did give me the gift of Hoogo, so I will give it a D+. Nothing happened, our story didn't move forward, and the flashbacks didn't reveal anything interesting.

But now an even more important issue has been raised; I used to never watch promos for "Lost" -- I either left the room or covered my ears and closed my eyes when they came on. I never want to know anything that is going to happen the following week. But to make myself more educated on all things "Lost," I started watching them.

You know what? They don't tell you s**t. In fact, they lie to you completely. Last week was about the three mysteries. This week was something about "If you don't watch, you won't know what everyone is talking about the next day." Hey ABC, you know what I'm talking about today? How much your promos suck!!!

So here is the question of the week: I am going back to avoiding all commercials and promos like the plague. Are you with me?

See you next week.

Posted by Daniel at 05:10 PM | Permalink